"HOW TO SPEAK TO OTHERS WITHOUT SAYING .....YOU"

'THE RESPONSIBLE "I".....

How do you talk to people when you are angry?

Do you say..." you did this" or, "you did that"?

What happens when the word "you" is used in an argument? The result is that the person at the other end of the argument then begins to defend him/herself and so the argument is perpetuated. One person feels the need to win, which makes the other person feel as though he/she is the loser. Using the word YOU, is like shaking a finger in someones face...and that only makes the other person more aggressive.

Using "I" messages is a way to take responsibility and control of your own feelings.

How can you avoid arguments from escalating?

Use this technique and see what happens:

ASK YOURSELF:

How do I feel about this behavior?.......................State...."I Feel", such as sad, or hurt or used.

What specifically is the behavior that bothers me?.......State...."When".......such as, "when I'm not appeciated for the work I do".

How does the behavior affect me?.......State....."Because".....such as, "because I don't think I'm a valued employee".

I need.....State...."I need to be recognized for my contributions to this office".....

"I FEEL"...."WHEN"....."BECAUSE"...."I NEED"....

Test this formula out and let me know what happens.

Karen Golob

Anger Management Counselor and Executive Coach

EMAIL: info@anger411.com

website: www.anger411.com